I was diagnosed at 16–mild depression with anxiety–because I AGREED with a nurse practitioner that in the past I wanted to “kill” myself–now, how many kids, heck, how many TV shows/movies do you know use words, such as, kill, so frequently that it has LOST its gravity? They “inpatient” me, because I did, and by some kind of miracle, I was able to refuse medication then. I don’t believe kids under 18 are currently allowed to do this anymore…it’s heartbreaking.
At 18, a psychotherapist (which is a therapist who is also a licensed Psychologist) upgraded my diagnosis to Bipolar (I or II–I can’t remember) on the basis that I had a histrionic personality A-type, and was acting out with sex. I was 18, I had hormones. I have been toying with their mood stabilizers on and off since then, and have found NOTHING beneficial to my mind, body, and spirit.
In my twenties I had an out of body experience inside of a courtroom, and was sentenced incompetent; without finishing my trial, I was hauled off to the Wisconsin State Mental Institution, and FORCEABLY diagnosed, Schizo-effective. During this time I was highly medicated (couldn’t say no to these drugs)–antipsychotics AND mood-stabilizers–NOTHING for my suffering metabolism…I was used to how such drugs worked–didn’t even doubt that there was a silver lining, that maybe just maybe I wouldn’t experience the weight-gain side-effect. Just to put this all into perspective, I am a petite 5’5″ female who has maintained under 130 pounds since high school (with moderate exercise) UNTIL these three months in Winnebago County Mental Health Facility in January of 2012–ONLY THREE MONTHS, and I was ALMOST 200 LBS! I gained 40 LBS, from 120, and weighed 160+ once I got out…IN ONLY THREE MONTHS…I NEVER thought I could stretch like that, NOR will I EVER, EVER again! YUCK!
When it comes to thick thighs, heavy tummies, or double chins, I empathize ENTIRELY with mental-health-strugglers. And it doesn’t matter what drugs I was prescribed, the TRUTH is that ALL antipsychotics, and ALL mood-stabilizers, even some ADHD medications will add weight gain to a person’s life–especially when revisited over time. It’s a helpless, scary feeling to come to the realization that your own body is alien because of the TRIAL and ERROR of psychotropic drugs.
Being fat is the worst, because NOTHING, other than LAZY activities, like going out to eat, or watching TV, seems to be fun. Exercise is TOO much stress–Oh, just get off your lazy ass and start walking at least– YEAH RIGHT, YOU TRY IT, I DARE YA! I knew how it felt to be treated like an idiot, that I wasn’t capable of making up my mind, or remembering to take my pills, BUT never have I known how tough it is to be overweight–it’s near to impossible to shed the pounds, especially if you are trying to juggle work, kids, marriage, or any community events on-top of your own self-worth!
It bothers me that although our society manages so many technological advancements, it FAILS MISERABLY at finding the RIGHT mental health medications. And, what’s worse is that compared to NASA, scientists and pharmacologists are taking their time pursuing the quest for the RIGHT drugs, the ONES THAT WORK….Reality check: WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THE ONES THAT WORK SINCE AT LEAST THE 1900s! I refuse to believe them, anymore, and I’m not even the elderly…I’m a product of Health Care. 😦
I am almost thirty, uncomfortable about affordable housing in Green Bay, WI (because adding such stressors NEVER helps my situation, and then I’m stuck with MORE PILLS), I’m sick of feeling and looking singled-out, and stigmatized (the city groups for people like me NEVER benefit me–it is TOO DEPRESSING to see similar people, who’ve been on such medications MUCH longer than I currently am, and they look worse than I do), and I’m STILL POSTPONING a COLLEGE EDUCATION IN ORDER TO BECOME WELL, INDEPENDENT, and RELAIBLE–will this EVER happen for me? Or am I forced to be a drain-on-society?
Forgive me for being entirely fed up, but I’m at my wits end; I hope MORE people who suffer the SAME ugly realities of mental health treatments come forward, because that’s how people will create change, that’s how scientists will find the RIGHT drugs–and hopefully it will happen in my aggravating life-time.